4 Myths Holding You Back From Healing And Happiness - Quran Talks Emotions

Jan 07, 2020

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BY HALIMAH EL KURGHALI

Many of us set ourselves new goals for 2020.

No doubt we did so hoping that those achievements would essentially bring us more healing or happiness this year, right? But what if I told you that what’s really holding most of us back from experiencing more healing & happiness in our lives… are actually the key beliefs about emotions that we’ve come to learn and internalise; which aren’t even true! What’s more, they actually contradict what the Quran teaches us about emotions!

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT

[The following is the full transcript of this episode of The QuranLifestyle Show by Halimah El-kurghali]


Asalamualykum. Halimah here, your Quran lifestyle coach.

You know, a lot of people, they go through life feeling really bad about themselves or they don't seem to have this resilience to be able to handle the hardships and challenges that come their way, where they don't really quite understand themselves emotionally. So they go through their day on this type of emotional roller coaster up and down, reacting to everything and everyone around them. Whether that's feelings of sadness or fear, anger or hurt. Everything seems to be situational and it's a constant battle to feel good. Now I hope that's not the case for you, but for a lot of people it is. So today inshAllah, I want to talk about emotional freedom, how we can heal ourselves and how we can start to feel happy. inshAllah. You know, the subject of emotions is a really important one because whether we realize it or not, our emotions, they influence the way that we perceive things.

They influence the decisions that we take and actions that we take. And naturally all of these things, they affect the results that we achieve in life. Right? They impact the quality of our lives as well. And emotions are something that we all relate to, whether we're male or female, regardless of our age or race or background. Emotions are something that we undeniably experience on a daily basis throughout our entire lives. Yes, subhanAllah. Despite that, we're taught hardly nothing about them in school, right? Or growing up within our families most of the time. So today inshAllah, I want to specifically talk about four myths on emotions that many people, Muslims included. We've come to commonly believe and to internalize it within ourselves that greatly hold us back. They hold us back from being able to really heal and to find peace with ourselves.

They hold us back from truly feeling happy and spiritually fulfilled as well. You know, essentially the hold us back from reaching our full potential both in our worldly matters as well as our relationship with Allah swt as well. And it's even more important that we have this discussion today because it might actually surprise some of you, but this four common myths that we're going to talk about, they actually contradict what Allah swt teaches us about emotions in the Quran. You know, I've had these myths circulated within our communities for as long as I can remember. You know, whether that's people that had discussions with their friends and family that overheard or you know, just even passing comments made in Islamic lectures. But these are ideas that have never sat well with me. They have always really bothered me. And then when I went through an emotionally traumatic experience myself, a number of years back, I remember I took it on myself to really dive in deep and study and reflect what the Quran really says about emotions.

And subhanAllah! You know what I found? It was life changing. It completely changed the way that I looked at myself and treated myself. It changed the way that I viewed other people and how I interacted with them emotionally as well. It really did help me to heal. It brought me such peace and such happiness and alhamdulillah and you know, it actually continues to do so with every single new hardship and challenge that comes in my life as well. And I know that what Quran has to offer, it can gift you with the same inshAllah. So today we're going to talk about four Quranic truths on emotion to help us feel emotionally free. Okay. So the first myth about emotions that most of us have come to believe, which are completely incorrect, is that our emotions are a reflection of our eman of our faith.

That somehow our emotional state is reflective of the, uh, the standing that we have with Allah swt. So I'm sure you've had it said to you or to someone that you know, statements like, Oh, if you feel sad and depressed, it's a sign that you have weak eman in Allah swt. You have a weak faith. Or if you suffer from some type of worry and anxiety, then you have a lack of tawakul in Allah swt, a lack of trust in him. Or maybe you've heard things like anger. That's just something from the shaytan and it's a sign of bad character, nothing more than that. Or if you feel disappointed or disheartened, then you are displeased with the will of Allah swt. Or if you yearn for more than you're simply just ungrateful for Allah swt. You know, given you, and maybe you even had things said to you like, you know, feeling too happy is a sign that you become attached to the Dunya instead of to the akhirah or to Allah swt.

You know, as you can see through these examples, there is this kind of negative stigma that's attached to emotions and to us feeling them and it's generally thought to be as a result of some type of spiritual weakness or disease that we have. But let me ask, you know, if that was true, then why do we have versus in the Quran, like (“He said: I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah..” (12:86) قَالَ إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللَّهِ ) the words of prophet Yaqub a.s. when he was declaring his feelings of sadness and grief, you know, to Allah swt because of the absence of Yusef. If that was true, why do we have verses in the Quran like “He said, ("My Lord, indeed, I killed from among them someone, and I fear they will kill me.” (28:33) قَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّي قَتَلْتُ مِنْهُمْ نَفْسًا فَأَخَافُ أَن يَقْتُلُونِ ) the words of prophet, Masa a.s. When he was admitting his feelings of fear to return to the, you know, his people because of that crime that he committed that they wanted to punish him for.

Why do we have versus like (“On the morrow, however, an aching void grew in the heart of the mother of Moses...” (28:10) وَأَصْبَحَ فُؤَادُ أُمِّ مُوسَىٰ فَارِغًا ) where Allah swt He tells us all of the, uh, the aching and the sad emptiness in the heart of the mother of Musa a.s. When she parted from Musa at the, at the river. Why do we have verses like (“And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm tree. She said, "Oh, I wish I had died before this and was in oblivion, forgotten.” (19:23) فَأَجَاءَهَا الْمَخَاضُ إِلَىٰ جِذْعِ النَّخْلَةِ قَالَتْ يَا لَيْتَنِي مِتُّ قَبْلَ هَٰذَا وَكُنتُ نَسْيًا مَّنسِيًّ ) versus where Allah swt, He's telling us all of the, the anguish and the despair that Maryam a.s. felt when she was going through that really painful process of giving birthday to Isa a.s. You know, these were people who perfected their faith in Allah swt, yet they still experienced deep water intense emotions. So can you begin to see that there is this discrepancy between what Allah swt is relating to us about emotions in the Quran and what we've come really come to believe? Um, particularly with our emotion somehow being indicative of our levels of eman.

You know, the Quranic reality that is revealed to us through these kind of verses is that we don't experience emotions because of some bad spiritual standing with Allah swt. But we experience emotions because we're human and emotions are part of the human experience. Okay. Leading on from this point, let's discuss the second common myth about emotions because although some of us might accept the fact that yes, emotions are part and parcel of the human experience, there's still going to be some people I know who will believe that emotions are inferior aspects of our being. You know, we perceived it to be secondary to other aspects of ourselves, like our intellect for example. So we kind of treat them like second class citizens. Right? You know, sometimes we dismiss our emotions or we ignore them or we label them as being unnecessarily dramatic or we even consciously suppress them, etc...

But you know, if we look at what the Quran teaches us about the role that emotions play in our life, InshAllah begin to correct this misunderstanding and actually start really appreciating our emotions for what they are because they're key to our success. Okay. So when we tend to the Quran, and we reflect on the role that emotions play, you'll find that it actually ties in with our very existence on this earth. You know, the reason why we've been put on this earth in the first place and that is to be tested. So we're told in the Quran that during our lives we gonna to be put on this earth to have our eman tested to see which of us is true in faith. And that's because it's going to determine our place in Akhirah. Right? Well, you know, despite the fact that all of our tests are completely different, they come in various different packages.

If we were to really just sit and reflect, we would realize that fundamentally, you know, at the heart of things and the crops of things, all of our tests are actually a test on our emotions. So let me give you a quick example. Let's say that somebody unfortunately loses their job and now they're really worried about where they're gonna get their money to pay the bills, you know, the rent and the food bills for next month. Let me ask you, is the real difficulty in that situation going to be found in the fact that they might have to sacrifice to live with family and friends or move into smaller accommodation? You know, is the real difficulty going to be found in the fact that they might need to just cut off some luxury items off the shopping next list next month? No. You know, the real difficulty is actually going to lie in the experience of fear and worry while they're trying to figure out where they're going to get the money from or the difficulty for them might be found in feelings of blame and guilt for not better managing their finances.

Or getting a better qualification for themselves. You know, perhaps for that person, their hardship might come in the feelings of anger that they experienced because this whole problem might come about because their boss unfairly dismissed them in the first place. Or for them, their difficulty might be in feelings of hurt because you know, when they tell their family and friends about their situation, they might not get the response that they expected. They might get a lack of support. If you look into the Quran, you're going to find this reality highlighted for us a countless number of times. So for example, if you look at the story of Adam, when he was removed from Jannah and put onto this earth because of his sin, are we told that the hardship that he was tested with was the fact that he just simply no longer had access to all the luxuries of Jannah?

No. We're told that Adam a.s. removal from Jannah, it tested him in feelings of guilt. In other verses, we told that Musa a.s. you know, his sponsor against Firawn it was a test in his feelings of fear. That Yaqub a.s. his separation from Yusef tested him with feelings of sadness. That Yunus a.s. He's dealing with his people at tested him and feelings of anger. We're told that Ibrahim Alayhi Salaam, you know his years of travel, it tested him in feelings of loneliness. We're told about Yusef Alayhi Salaam, continuous betrayal by people around him. It tested him and feelings of hurt. And you know, it's not just our so called negative emotions by the way, that are at the heart of our tests. Because even in our positive emotions and experiences like happiness or excitement, we're tested in those too.

And we're tested about whether we remember Allah swt and are grateful to him. Right? And that's why Allah swt also included stories in Quran like that of Karon and Firawn, because they were individuals who were blessed with so much power and there were so happy because of that, so much wealth as well. But they were ungrateful and they associated their success to themselves rather than to Allah swt. And so they failed their tests. And you know, it's really important as a Muslim that we recognize the significant role of our emotions in the test that we have in life. Because, you know, it's the real challenge and the difficulty in our tests in life and they lie in the effects that they have on our emotions. Then logically the meaningful results, the failure or the success of those tests in life are going to be significantly influenced by the way that we manage our emotions.

So subhanAllah this subject of emotions is actually important for us to invest. Learning more about and training ourselves to manage really well, because it's not only going to help us to heal and to be happy in this life, but it's going to affect our ultimate happiness in the next. And Alhumdulillah the Quran a fantastic way to start that process of education because you know, the truths that it shares with us, it helps to kind of shed all these misconceptions that we have. You know, shackled ourselves in and it completely reforms the way that we see ourselves in the world Alhumdulillah. Let's now talk about the third myth about emotions, and that is the belief that some of our emotions are good while others are bad. So this, this idea that some of our emotions are deemed praiseworthy or acceptable in the eyes of Allah swt while there are certain emotions that are Allah swt frowns upon.

And naturally as believers who want to please Allah swt, we go out of our way to try to prevent and avoid ourselves from feeling those bad emotions or we try to at least suppress or dismiss them if we do experience them. But you know, I found this belief to be false. Because when we tend turn to the Quran and we deeply reflect on what it teaches us about emotions. We come to that realization that feeling emotions in our hearts in and of themselves. It's not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing, because firstly they are a natural human tendency that Allah swt place within ourselves. And secondly, because our emotions collectively, they serve a higher specific purpose that I'm going to talk about shortly inshAllah. You know, the real reason that I found that we come to this misconception, we incorrectly label our emotions as in either good or bad, is because A we equate them with our judgment of how, you know, the good and bad actions that people take in response to that emotion.

So how they typically manage them in a healthy or a destructive way. And in some cases as well. B is because of some misunderstandings that STEM from a not correctly understanding. Certain hadith and ayat of the Quran. Ok, so if we look in the Quran to begin with, you know, this notion of our emotions being something that our natural tendency from Allah swt, we find in Surah An-Najm. Allah swt says (“And that it is He (Allah) who makes [one] laugh and weep” (53:43) وَأَنَّهُ هُوَ أَضْحَكَ وَأَبْكَىٰ ) you know, so I asked you, how is it that we can brand an emotion in and of itself as being bad when Allah swt tells us that our joys and our sadnesses come from him, that the emotions that cause us to both laugh and cry. So please note that it's two different ends of the spectrum. They're specifically mentioned in the area that they all come from the all good, Allah swt.

So again, like I said, it's a natural tendency that Allah swt placed within us. And you know, I want to mention something as a side note here by the way about this, this verse, and it's surah that is so profoundly beautiful and it can ties in with what we're talking about today. You know, this verse, the verses that proceeded, it relates a lot to the sky is high above us. So there's mention of stars, there's mention of the revelation descending, the Noble Angels in paradise, the Lote-Tree that's at the extreme of the seventh heaven and the ayah number 42 right before the ayah that I shared with you. It tells us that everything ultimately goes back to Allah swt. You know, so from all these verses it is possible for a person to develop this sense of distance, this feeling that because Allah swt is so high above everything that he's far away from us.

And so sunhanAllah, this verse that I shared with the vest 43 about Allah swt being the one who you know causes us to laugh and to cry. It said to be a way of Allah swt reassuring us of his closeness to us. And this is because of the fact that our emotions come from deep within our hearts. And because you know, people usually who make us laugh and cry the most are those that we love, right? So, so sunhanAllah, this verse is said to be a verse, Allah swt love. And interestingly, it's associated with our emotions. And this is why I honestly find it so shocking that we, on the other hand, we've come to associate emotions with the opposite effect with this distance to Allah swt. So when we claim things like, you know, by claiming sadness and depression is a sign of lack of Eman. Know that anxiety and worry is a lack of trust, etc.

We've literally sprung things 180 degrees and yet we still wonder why so many people, they feel spiritually unhappy and unfulfilled. Why so many people suffer from various different types of issues in our community from that STEM, from not being able to emotionally heal? Well, it's because of these myths on emotion that we've created that we literally had shackled ourselves with. Alhumdulillah, the Quran is here to free us with His truths. Now I mentioned that emotions in and of themselves are not necessarily good or bad, and one of the reasons is because they actually serve a higher purpose. Now as for those purposes, if we look in the field of personal development, it teaches us that our emotions are what's called action signals. So they essentially act like this type of internal compass that points us in a direction of something that we need to do. And when we tend to look Quran interestingly, we find that the Quran actually supports this idea, because Allah swt, He says, you know, we will show them our signs in the universe and in of themselves.

So “We will show them Our Signs in the universe, and in their own selves, until it becomes manifest to them that this (the Quran) is the truth” [Fussilat 41:53] سَنُرِيهِمْ آيَاتِنَا فِي الْآفَاقِ وَفِي أَنفُسِهِمْ حَتَّىٰ يَتَبَيَّنَ لَهُمْ أَنَّهُ الْحَقُّ أَوَلَمْ يَكْفِ بِرَبِّكَ أَنَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ شَهِيدٌ until it becomes manifest that this Quran is the truth. In this verse Allah swt. He says he's placed his ayat within us as well as around us. So our emotions are classified as ayat. And let me ask you, what is an ayat, what is the literal meaning of an Ayat? If you look at the main meanings derived from its root word, you get a better idea of of that meaning. And those meanings include things like something that calls your attention, something that makes you wonder, it ambiguous, something that has a meaning or a purpose and value to it. It means a sign, something that points you in the direction. So you find this idea of emotions being purposeful and acting as action signals that caught our attention and direct us towards something to be some to be this idea that's agreeable both between the fields of personal development and the Quran.

And so we're going to explore inshAllah exactly what is meant by an action signal. Exactly. You know, with so called positive emotions, I think, you know, things like happiness and excitement and bravery, these things, it's kind of a given that they beautify and they enhance the human experience, right? And as action signals, what they do is they guide us and they signify a need within us to act in, engage in acts of shukr, an Acts of gratitude Allah swt. And there's various ways we can do that by saying Allah swt. in giving saqaqah, you know, expect extending the kindness that was shown to us that other people. And when it comes to our emotions on the other side of the spectrum, you know, these so called negative emotions like loneliness or anger or fear, they are signal and they indicate to us that there's something that's not quite right.

So they basically acted as kind of red warning flags that tell our conscious mind that there's some action that needs to be taken to resolve an issue. So for example, if you look in books of personal development, you'll find that fear, emotional fear is code for our anticipation of something that's going to happen. So this emotion is sending our minds this message that we feel something's going to happen and the relative call to action for that to successfully manage that emotion for us to either a prepare ourself, you know, equip ourselves for whatever it is the anticipating from happening or be to alternatively do something to prevent that which we anticipating from actually happening. And like I said, that's just the specific message and act call to action for that emotion. But each of these so called negative emotions has their own message and their own call to action.

So basically in order for us to really manage our emotions and fulfill their purpose, which is to help us inshAllah, in order for us to, to heal, to be happy, we need to acknowledge what message they're sending us. Realize what it is that, that emotion is telling us is wrong and B need to take the necessary action, the call to action that they are guiding us in the way of doing. So I hope you can see inshAllah that it's not necessarily our, you know, emotions in and of themselves feeding them in our hearts. That's good or bad. As I mentioned, they're just a new, a natural human tendency and they help to serve a purpose. But we've just formed that misconception because of the healthy or destructive ways that we see people commonly managing those emotions. Okay. The fourth myth about emotions that I want to talk about is this idea that we have no control over them.

So many people, they suffer from this delusion that our emotions are something that is completely out of our control. It's something that just spontaneously happens in reaction to things that happen in our life. So it's a response to what people do to us or what people say to us. And because of that powerlessness and that lack of control that you get from believing these things, this is why a lot of people actually end up dreading emotions. You know, they treat them as if they're this type of virus that attack us when we're vulnerable and we fall sick to them subhanAllah, and this belief is actually where a lot of our unhealthy habits in managing our emotions actually STEM from. This is why a lot of people live with some very devastating impacts in their life. So some people, for example, they suppress their feelings and they suffer in silence.

Or some people, you know, if they felt those feelings for so long, they're going into denial or they're actively tried to avoid feeling certain emotions so it ends up controlling their whole life and trapping them. You know, some people they try to avoid feeling emotions altogether and they end up substance abusing or they overindulge in their feelings and make it part of the identity. So you know, it's a bit like a self fulfilling prophecy and they're invested in feeling that negative emotion longterm. But you know, the truth is that we do have control over the management of our emotions. You know, if we're feeling an emotion, we can shift our emotional States that we find ourselves in and we can even consciously choose to feel certain emotions that we want as well using certain knowledge and certain techniques as well. If this wasn't the case, then Allah swt he wouldn't see in the Quran, no doubt about it.

Hearing, Seeing and the Fouad (Arabic: فؤاد) heart, each will be asked about on the day of judgment. Let me explain. You know, it's commonly known that in the Quran, and the word heart is qalb and qalb is something it needs to change because it's constantly changing. Whether that's physic is beating and figuratively as well. Our emotions are always changing. But there is actually another word using in the Quran for heart and it's less common. And that's the word Fouad (Arabic: فؤاد) and Fouad (Arabic: فؤاد), it means it comes from the word Fa'ada, which means roasting. So to put it under this intense pressure. So the idea here is, you know, a heart being roasted is this idea of a heart being intensified. So basically in other words, when your emotions are fired up, whether you're extremely scared or extremely happy, extremely angry, extremely brave, this is when the term Fouad (Arabic: فؤاد) is used.

So you know, in the Quran, in that verse that I shared Allah swt telling us that on the day of judgment, we're going to be asked about what we heard, what we saw, and about our hearts, specifically about our emotionally charged hearts. And we know that Allah swt, he would never question us and hold us to account for something that we didn't have control over. Right? So this versus evidence that we do have control over the way that we manage our emotions. You know, interestingly this verse also evidence that supports the previous point we talked about, about our emotions not being in and of themselves. Something that's positive or negative, but it's actually our management of our emotions that's either healthy or not. Because you know, when we're questioned on the day of judgment about what we see and we hear, for example, it's not the actual act of seeing and hearing that we're going to be held accountable for, right?

It's our responses to it. So for example, if you witnessed an injustice in front of you, that injustice is not your fault necessarily. You know, it's not a sin that it happened, but it's the fact of how you responded to it, that you'll be questioned about. Right? So whether you tried to change it or whether you just turned the blind eye. If something inappropriate comes in front of you, it's not necessarily your sin if that that came in front of you, but it's about how you managed it. Did you, um, you know, turn away or did you take a second glance, for example? Or even with hearing, you know, being amongst a group of people or someone starts backbiting, for example. You know, that act in itself is not a sin. It's not something that your question for, but how you respond to it. So similarly, it's not about simply feeling our emotions in and of themselves in our hearts, that's good or bad, but how we manage them.

And that's because like we said, we do have control over managing our emotions. And interestingly, it's actually the management of our emotions that's going to affect our levels of eman, not simply just feeling them. Okay. So to tie everything together and to conclude this video, please remember that one of the first acts that you can do to really emotionally free yourself so that inshAllah or you can heal and be happy both in this life and in your relationship with Allah swt, is to allow the Quran to unshackle all these myths about emotions that are holding you back and holding you down. And from those, you know, many truths about emotions talk to us in the Quran, some of which we've covered today. Always remember that the way you feel right now, it's not because a lot of Allah swt he hates you or that he's left you or he wants you to hurt or because you're a bad person who isn't worthy of anything else.

You feel the way you do. Not because of weak eman or bad spiritual standing with Allah swt, but because you're human, you know you are a human being who was created with the ability to feel. And I know that the way you're feeling right now is really difficult. But remember, that's because your emotions actually play a really important role at the very heart of your tests. So Allah swt. He has selected a test for you right now and his invigilating. And that's why it's really important that we no longer look and treat our emotions as inferior aspects of our being. But with that said, remember you can always heal and the way you feel it can change inshAllah. And that's actually the very purpose. Remember all of your emotions that your emotions, they act as this kind of internal compass and it's helping you to navigate through your tests.

And that's by signal signaling to you that something isn't quite right and it's urging you to take the action necessary to fix things. So instead of just fixating all the time on branding your emotions as either bad or good, you know, start to really honor and to appreciate this purposeful gift that Allah swt gave to you by starting to think of ways, you know, get curious about the messages that it's sending you as strive with the effort to see those actions through that need to be done. You know, please alternatively, don't just ignore your emotions and attempt to hide or suppress them or even just settle them, you know, settle for them to be part of who you are now because that's going to actually create with your new, some emotional sicknesses that's going to prevent you from feeling emotional freedom.

You know, draw strength from the confidence that Allah swt has in you. He granted you with the ability and the means to be able to manage your emotions so that you can heal and so that you can find happiness inshAllah. Okay, so I hope this episode benefited you and I hope you really enjoyed it. And if you did, then please smash that subscribe button and hit the bell icon as well so that every time I release new videos like this, you're going to get notified. And if you, by the way, think that you know somebody who is struggling with any of the kind of issues we spoke about today, then why not share this video with them so that they can benefit as well inshAllah. And if you have any questions, then you can just post them down below, because these videos that I create, these episodes, they're actually inspired by your question. So I'd love to hear what you have to say. Okay, alhumdulillah it is an honor to have you part of the Quran Rehab community. So thank you. And until next time, inshAllah I wish you the very best of success on your Quran journey. Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Speaker 1: (00:00)
Asalamualykum. Halimah here, your Quran lifestyle coach. You know, a lot of people, they go through life feeling really bad about themselves or they don't seem to have this resilience to be able to handle the hardships and challenges that come their way, where they don't really quite understand themselves emotionally. So they go through their day on this type of emotional roller coaster up and down, reacting to everything and everyone around them. Whether that's feelings of sadness or fear, anger or hurt. Everything seems to be situational and it's a constant battle to feel good. Now I hope that's not the case for you, but for a lot of people it is. So today inshAllah, I want to talk about emotional freedom, how we can heal ourselves and how we can start to feel happy. inshAllah. You know, the subject of emotions is a really important one because whether we realize it or not, our emotions, they influence the way that we perceive things.

They influence the decisions that we take and actions that we take. And naturally all of these things, they affect the results that we achieve in life. Right? They impact the quality of our lives as well. And emotions are something that we all relate to, whether we're male or female, regardless of our age or race or background. Emotions are something that we undeniably experience on a daily basis throughout our entire lives. Yes, subhanAllah. Despite that, we're taught hardly nothing about them in school, right? Or growing up within our families most of the time. So today inshAllah, I want to specifically talk about four myths on emotions that many people, Muslims included. We've come to commonly believe and to internalize it within ourselves that greatly hold us back. They hold us back from being able to really heal and to find peace with ourselves.

They hold us back from truly feeling happy and spiritually fulfilled as well. You know, essentially the hold us back from reaching our full potential both in our worldly matters as well as our relationship with Allah swt as well. And it's even more important that we have this discussion today because it might actually surprise some of you, but this four common myths that we're going to talk about, they actually contradict what Allah swt teaches us about emotions in the Quran. You know, I've had these myths circulated within our communities for as long as I can remember. You know, whether that's people that had discussions with their friends and family that overheard or you know, just even passing comments made in Islamic lectures. But these are ideas that have never sat well with me. They have always really bothered me. And then when I went through an emotionally traumatic experience myself, a number of years back, I remember I took it on myself to really dive in deep and study and reflect what the Quran really says about emotions.

And subhanAllah! You know what I found? It was life changing. It completely changed the way that I looked at myself and treated myself. It changed the way that I viewed other people and how I interacted with them emotionally as well. It really did help me to heal. It brought me such peace and such happiness and alhamdulillah and you know, it actually continues to do so with every single new hardship and challenge that comes in my life as well. And I know that what Quran has to offer, it can gift you with the same inshAllah. So today we're going to talk about four Quranic truths on emotion to help us feel emotionally free. Okay. So the first myth about emotions that most of us have come to believe, which are completely incorrect, is that our emotions are a reflection of our eman of our faith.

That somehow our emotional state is reflective of the, uh, the standing that we have with Allah swt. So I'm sure you've had it said to you or to someone that you know, statements like, Oh, if you feel sad and depressed, it's a sign that you have weak eman in Allah swt. You have a weak faith. Or if you suffer from some type of worry and anxiety, then you have a lack of tawakul in Allah swt, a lack of trust in him. Or maybe you've heard things like anger. That's just something from the shaytan and it's a sign of bad character, nothing more than that. Or if you feel disappointed or disheartened, then you are displeased with the will of Allah swt. Or if you yearn for more than you're simply just ungrateful for Allah swt. You know, given you, and maybe you even had things said to you like, you know, feeling too happy is a sign that you become attached to the Dunya instead of to the akhirah or to Allah swt.

You know, as you can see through these examples, there is this kind of negative stigma that's attached to emotions and to us feeling them and it's generally thought to be as a result of some type of spiritual weakness or disease that we have. But let me ask, you know, if that was true, then why do we have versus in the Quran, like (“He said: I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah..” (12:86) قَالَ إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللَّهِ ) the words of prophet Yaqub a.s. when he was declaring his feelings of sadness and grief, you know, to Allah swt because of the absence of Yusef. If that was true, why do we have verses in the Quran like “He said, ("My Lord, indeed, I killed from among them someone, and I fear they will kill me.” (28:33) قَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّي قَتَلْتُ مِنْهُمْ نَفْسًا فَأَخَافُ أَن يَقْتُلُونِ ) the words of prophet, Masa a.s. When he was admitting his feelings of fear to return to the, you know, his people because of that crime that he committed that they wanted to punish him for.

Why do we have versus like (“On the morrow, however, an aching void grew in the heart of the mother of Moses...” (28:10) وَأَصْبَحَ فُؤَادُ أُمِّ مُوسَىٰ فَارِغًا ) where Allah swt He tells us all of the, uh, the aching and the sad emptiness in the heart of the mother of Musa a.s. When she parted from Musa at the, at the river. Why do we have verses like (“And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm tree. She said, "Oh, I wish I had died before this and was in oblivion, forgotten.” (19:23) فَأَجَاءَهَا الْمَخَاضُ إِلَىٰ جِذْعِ النَّخْلَةِ قَالَتْ يَا لَيْتَنِي مِتُّ قَبْلَ هَٰذَا وَكُنتُ نَسْيًا مَّنسِيًّ ) versus where Allah swt, He's telling us all of the, the anguish and the despair that Maryam a.s. felt when she was going through that really painful process of giving birthday to Isa a.s. You know, these were people who perfected their faith in Allah swt, yet they still experienced deep water intense emotions. So can you begin to see that there is this discrepancy between what Allah swt is relating to us about emotions in the Quran and what we've come really come to believe? Um, particularly with our emotion somehow being indicative of our levels of eman.


You know, the Quranic reality that is revealed to us through these kind of verses is that we don't experience emotions because of some bad spiritual standing with Allah swt. But we experience emotions because we're human and emotions are part of the human experience. Okay. Leading on from this point, let's discuss the second common myth about emotions because although some of us might accept the fact that yes, emotions are part and parcel of the human experience, there's still going to be some people I know who will believe that emotions are inferior aspects of our being. You know, we perceived it to be secondary to other aspects of ourselves, like our intellect for example. So we kind of treat them like second class citizens. Right? You know, sometimes we dismiss our emotions or we ignore them or we label them as being unnecessarily dramatic or we even consciously suppress them, etc...

But you know, if we look at what the Quran teaches us about the role that emotions play in our life, InshAllah begin to correct this misunderstanding and actually start really appreciating our emotions for what they are because they're key to our success. Okay. So when we tend to the Quran, and we reflect on the role that emotions play, you'll find that it actually ties in with our very existence on this earth. You know, the reason why we've been put on this earth in the first place and that is to be tested. So we're told in the Quran that during our lives we gonna to be put on this earth to have our eman tested to see which of us is true in faith. And that's because it's going to determine our place in Akhirah. Right? Well, you know, despite the fact that all of our tests are completely different, they come in various different packages.

If we were to really just sit and reflect, we would realize that fundamentally, you know, at the heart of things and the crops of things, all of our tests are actually a test on our emotions. So let me give you a quick example. Let's say that somebody unfortunately loses their job and now they're really worried about where they're gonna get their money to pay the bills, you know, the rent and the food bills for next month. Let me ask you, is the real difficulty in that situation going to be found in the fact that they might have to sacrifice to live with family and friends or move into smaller accommodation? You know, is the real difficulty going to be found in the fact that they might need to just cut off some luxury items off the shopping next list next month? No. You know, the real difficulty is actually going to lie in the experience of fear and worry while they're trying to figure out where they're going to get the money from or the difficulty for them might be found in feelings of blame and guilt for not better managing their finances.

Or getting a better qualification for themselves. You know, perhaps for that person, their hardship might come in the feelings of anger that they experienced because this whole problem might come about because their boss unfairly dismissed them in the first place. Or for them, their difficulty might be in feelings of hurt because you know, when they tell their family and friends about their situation, they might not get the response that they expected. They might get a lack of support. If you look into the Quran, you're going to find this reality highlighted for us a countless number of times. So for example, if you look at the story of Adam, when he was removed from Jannah and put onto this earth because of his sin, are we told that the hardship that he was tested with was the fact that he just simply no longer had access to all the luxuries of Jannah?

No. We're told that Adam a.s. removal from Jannah, it tested him in feelings of guilt. In other verses, we told that Musa a.s. you know, his sponsor against Firawn it was a test in his feelings of fear. That Yaqub a.s. his separation from Yusef tested him with feelings of sadness. That Yunus a.s. He's dealing with his people at tested him and feelings of anger. We're told that Ibrahim Alayhi Salaam, you know his years of travel, it tested him in feelings of loneliness. We're told about Yusef Alayhi Salaam, continuous betrayal by people around him. It tested him and feelings of hurt. And you know, it's not just our so called negative emotions by the way, that are at the heart of our tests. Because even in our positive emotions and experiences like happiness or excitement, we're tested in those too.

And we're tested about whether we remember Allah swt and are grateful to him. Right? And that's why Allah swt also included stories in Quran like that of Karon and Firawn, because they were individuals who were blessed with so much power and there were so happy because of that, so much wealth as well. But they were ungrateful and they associated their success to themselves rather than to Allah swt. And so they failed their tests. And you know, it's really important as a Muslim that we recognize the significant role of our emotions in the test that we have in life. Because, you know, it's the real challenge and the difficulty in our tests in life and they lie in the effects that they have on our emotions. Then logically the meaningful results, the failure or the success of those tests in life are going to be significantly influenced by the way that we manage our emotions.

So subhanAllah this subject of emotions is actually important for us to invest. Learning more about and training ourselves to manage really well, because it's not only going to help us to heal and to be happy in this life, but it's going to affect our ultimate happiness in the next. And Alhumdulillah the Quran a fantastic way to start that process of education because you know, the truths that it shares with us, it helps to kind of shed all these misconceptions that we have. You know, shackled ourselves in and it completely reforms the way that we see ourselves in the world Alhumdulillah. Let's now talk about the third myth about emotions, and that is the belief that some of our emotions are good while others are bad. So this, this idea that some of our emotions are deemed praiseworthy or acceptable in the eyes of Allah swt while there are certain emotions that are Allah swt frowns upon.

And naturally as believers who want to please Allah swt, we go out of our way to try to prevent and avoid ourselves from feeling those bad emotions or we try to at least suppress or dismiss them if we do experience them. But you know, I found this belief to be false. Because when we tend turn to the Quran and we deeply reflect on what it teaches us about emotions. We come to that realization that feeling emotions in our hearts in and of themselves. It's not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing, because firstly they are a natural human tendency that Allah swt place within ourselves. And secondly, because our emotions collectively, they serve a higher specific purpose that I'm going to talk about shortly inshAllah. You know, the real reason that I found that we come to this misconception, we incorrectly label our emotions as in either good or bad, is because A we equate them with our judgment of how, you know, the good and bad actions that people take in response to that emotion.

So how they typically manage them in a healthy or a destructive way. And in some cases as well. B is because of some misunderstandings that STEM from a not correctly understanding. Certain hadith and ayat of the Quran. Ok, so if we look in the Quran to begin with, you know, this notion of our emotions being something that our natural tendency from Allah swt, we find in Surah An-Najm. Allah swt says (“And that it is He (Allah) who makes [one] laugh and weep” (53:43) وَأَنَّهُ هُوَ أَضْحَكَ وَأَبْكَىٰ ) you know, so I asked you, how is it that we can brand an emotion in and of itself as being bad when Allah swt tells us that our joys and our sadnesses come from him, that the emotions that cause us to both laugh and cry. So please note that it's two different ends of the spectrum. They're specifically mentioned in the area that they all come from the all good, Allah swt.

So again, like I said, it's a natural tendency that Allah swt placed within us. And you know, I want to mention something as a side note here by the way about this, this verse, and it's surah that is so profoundly beautiful and it can ties in with what we're talking about today. You know, this verse, the verses that proceeded, it relates a lot to the sky is high above us. So there's mention of stars, there's mention of the revelation descending, the Noble Angels in paradise, the Lote-Tree that's at the extreme of the seventh heaven and the ayah number 42 right before the ayah that I shared with you. It tells us that everything ultimately goes back to Allah swt. You know, so from all these verses it is possible for a person to develop this sense of distance, this feeling that because Allah swt is so high above everything that he's far away from us.

And so sunhanAllah, this verse that I shared with the vest 43 about Allah swt being the one who you know causes us to laugh and to cry. It said to be a way of Allah swt reassuring us of his closeness to us. And this is because of the fact that our emotions come from deep within our hearts. And because you know, people usually who make us laugh and cry the most are those that we love, right? So, so sunhanAllah, this verse is said to be a verse, Allah swt love. And interestingly, it's associated with our emotions. And this is why I honestly find it so shocking that we, on the other hand, we've come to associate emotions with the opposite effect with this distance to Allah swt. So when we claim things like, you know, by claiming sadness and depression is a sign of lack of Eman. Know that anxiety and worry is a lack of trust, etc.

We've literally sprung things 180 degrees and yet we still wonder why so many people, they feel spiritually unhappy and unfulfilled. Why so many people suffer from various different types of issues in our community from that STEM, from not being able to emotionally heal? Well, it's because of these myths on emotion that we've created that we literally had shackled ourselves with. Alhumdulillah, the Quran is here to free us with His truths. Now I mentioned that emotions in and of themselves are not necessarily good or bad, and one of the reasons is because they actually serve a higher purpose. Now as for those purposes, if we look in the field of personal development, it teaches us that our emotions are what's called action signals. So they essentially act like this type of internal compass that points us in a direction of something that we need to do. And when we tend to look Quran interestingly, we find that the Quran actually supports this idea, because Allah swt, He says, you know, we will show them our signs in the universe and in of themselves.

So “We will show them Our Signs in the universe, and in their own selves, until it becomes manifest to them that this (the Quran) is the truth” [Fussilat 41:53] سَنُرِيهِمْ آيَاتِنَا فِي الْآفَاقِ وَفِي أَنفُسِهِمْ حَتَّىٰ يَتَبَيَّنَ لَهُمْ أَنَّهُ الْحَقُّ أَوَلَمْ يَكْفِ بِرَبِّكَ أَنَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ شَهِيدٌ until it becomes manifest that this Quran is the truth. In this verse Allah swt. He says he's placed his ayat within us as well as around us. So our emotions are classified as ayat. And let me ask you, what is an ayat, what is the literal meaning of an Ayat? If you look at the main meanings derived from its root word, you get a better idea of of that meaning. And those meanings include things like something that calls your attention, something that makes you wonder, it ambiguous, something that has a meaning or a purpose and value to it. It means a sign, something that points you in the direction. So you find this idea of emotions being purposeful and acting as action signals that caught our attention and direct us towards something to be some to be this idea that's agreeable both between the fields of personal development and the Quran.

And so we're going to explore inshAllah exactly what is meant by an action signal. Exactly. You know, with so called positive emotions, I think, you know, things like happiness and excitement and bravery, these things, it's kind of a given that they beautify and they enhance the human experience, right? And as action signals, what they do is they guide us and they signify a need within us to act in, engage in acts of shukr, an Acts of gratitude Allah swt. And there's various ways we can do that by saying Allah swt. in giving saqaqah, you know, expect extending the kindness that was shown to us that other people. And when it comes to our emotions on the other side of the spectrum, you know, these so called negative emotions like loneliness or anger or fear, they are signal and they indicate to us that there's something that's not quite right.

So they basically acted as kind of red warning flags that tell our conscious mind that there's some action that needs to be taken to resolve an issue. So for example, if you look in books of personal development, you'll find that fear, emotional fear is code for our anticipation of something that's going to happen. So this emotion is sending our minds this message that we feel something's going to happen and the relative call to action for that to successfully manage that emotion for us to either a prepare ourself, you know, equip ourselves for whatever it is the anticipating from happening or be to alternatively do something to prevent that which we anticipating from actually happening. And like I said, that's just the specific message and act call to action for that emotion. But each of these so called negative emotions has their own message and their own call to action.


So basically in order for us to really manage our emotions and fulfill their purpose, which is to help us inshAllah, in order for us to, to heal, to be happy, we need to acknowledge what message they're sending us. Realize what it is that, that emotion is telling us is wrong and B need to take the necessary action, the call to action that they are guiding us in the way of doing. So I hope you can see inshAllah that it's not necessarily our, you know, emotions in and of themselves feeding them in our hearts. That's good or bad. As I mentioned, they're just a new, a natural human tendency and they help to serve a purpose. But we've just formed that misconception because of the healthy or destructive ways that we see people commonly managing those emotions. Okay. The fourth myth about emotions that I want to talk about is this idea that we have no control over them.

So many people, they suffer from this delusion that our emotions are something that is completely out of our control. It's something that just spontaneously happens in reaction to things that happen in our life. So it's a response to what people do to us or what people say to us. And because of that powerlessness and that lack of control that you get from believing these things, this is why a lot of people actually end up dreading emotions. You know, they treat them as if they're this type of virus that attack us when we're vulnerable and we fall sick to them subhanAllah, and this belief is actually where a lot of our unhealthy habits in managing our emotions actually STEM from. This is why a lot of people live with some very devastating impacts in their life. So some people, for example, they suppress their feelings and they suffer in silence.

Or some people, you know, if they felt those feelings for so long, they're going into denial or they're actively tried to avoid feeling certain emotions so it ends up controlling their whole life and trapping them. You know, some people they try to avoid feeling emotions altogether and they end up substance abusing or they overindulge in their feelings and make it part of the identity. So you know, it's a bit like a self fulfilling prophecy and they're invested in feeling that negative emotion longterm. But you know, the truth is that we do have control over the management of our emotions. You know, if we're feeling an emotion, we can shift our emotional States that we find ourselves in and we can even consciously choose to feel certain emotions that we want as well using certain knowledge and certain techniques as well. If this wasn't the case, then Allah swt he wouldn't see in the Quran, no doubt about it.

Hearing, Seeing and the Fouad (Arabic: فؤاد) heart, each will be asked about on the day of judgment. Let me explain. You know, it's commonly known that in the Quran, and the word heart is qalb and qalb is something it needs to change because it's constantly changing. Whether that's physic is beating and figuratively as well. Our emotions are always changing. But there is actually another word using in the Quran for heart and it's less common. And that's the word Fouad (Arabic: فؤاد) and Fouad (Arabic: فؤاد), it means it comes from the word Fa'ada, which means roasting. So to put it under this intense pressure. So the idea here is, you know, a heart being roasted is this idea of a heart being intensified. So basically in other words, when your emotions are fired up, whether you're extremely scared or extremely happy, extremely angry, extremely brave, this is when the term Fouad (Arabic: فؤاد) is used.

So you know, in the Quran, in that verse that I shared Allah swt telling us that on the day of judgment, we're going to be asked about what we heard, what we saw, and about our hearts, specifically about our emotionally charged hearts. And we know that Allah swt, he would never question us and hold us to account for something that we didn't have control over. Right? So this versus evidence that we do have control over the way that we manage our emotions. You know, interestingly this verse also evidence that supports the previous point we talked about, about our emotions not being in and of themselves. Something that's positive or negative, but it's actually our management of our emotions that's either healthy or not. Because you know, when we're questioned on the day of judgment about what we see and we hear, for example, it's not the actual act of seeing and hearing that we're going to be held accountable for, right?

It's our responses to it. So for example, if you witnessed an injustice in front of you, that injustice is not your fault necessarily. You know, it's not a sin that it happened, but it's the fact of how you responded to it, that you'll be questioned about. Right? So whether you tried to change it or whether you just turned the blind eye. If something inappropriate comes in front of you, it's not necessarily your sin if that that came in front of you, but it's about how you managed it. Did you, um, you know, turn away or did you take a second glance, for example? Or even with hearing, you know, being amongst a group of people or someone starts backbiting, for example. You know, that act in itself is not a sin. It's not something that your question for, but how you respond to it. So similarly, it's not about simply feeling our emotions in and of themselves in our hearts, that's good or bad, but how we manage them.

And that's because like we said, we do have control over managing our emotions. And interestingly, it's actually the management of our emotions that's going to affect our levels of eman, not simply just feeling them. Okay. So to tie everything together and to conclude this video, please remember that one of the first acts that you can do to really emotionally free yourself so that inshAllah or you can heal and be happy both in this life and in your relationship with Allah swt, is to allow the Quran to unshackle all these myths about emotions that are holding you back and holding you down. And from those, you know, many truths about emotions talk to us in the Quran, some of which we've covered today. Always remember that the way you feel right now, it's not because a lot of Allah swt he hates you or that he's left you or he wants you to hurt or because you're a bad person who isn't worthy of anything else.

You feel the way you do. Not because of weak eman or bad spiritual standing with Allah swt, but because you're human, you know you are a human being who was created with the ability to feel. And I know that the way you're feeling right now is really difficult. But remember, that's because your emotions actually play a really important role at the very heart of your tests. So Allah swt. He has selected a test for you right now and his invigilating. And that's why it's really important that we no longer look and treat our emotions as inferior aspects of our being. But with that said, remember you can always heal and the way you feel it can change inshAllah. And that's actually the very purpose. Remember all of your emotions that your emotions, they act as this kind of internal compass and it's helping you to navigate through your tests.

And that's by signal signaling to you that something isn't quite right and it's urging you to take the action necessary to fix things. So instead of just fixating all the time on branding your emotions as either bad or good, you know, start to really honor and to appreciate this purposeful gift that Allah swt gave to you by starting to think of ways, you know, get curious about the messages that it's sending you as strive with the effort to see those actions through that need to be done. You know, please alternatively, don't just ignore your emotions and attempt to hide or suppress them or even just settle them, you know, settle for them to be part of who you are now because that's going to actually create with your new, some emotional sicknesses that's going to prevent you from feeling emotional freedom.

You know, draw strength from the confidence that Allah swt has in you. He granted you with the ability and the means to be able to manage your emotions so that you can heal and so that you can find happiness inshAllah. Okay, so I hope this episode benefited you and I hope you really enjoyed it. And if you did, then please smash that subscribe button and hit the bell icon as well so that every time I release new videos like this, you're going to get notified. And if you, by the way, think that you know somebody who is struggling with any of the kind of issues we spoke about today, then why not share this video with them so that they can benefit as well inshAllah. And if you have any questions, then you can just post them down below, because these videos that I create, these episodes, they're actually inspired by your question. So I'd love to hear what you have to say. Okay, alhumdulillah it is an honor to have you part of the Quran Rehab community. So thank you. And until next time, inshAllah I wish you the very best of success on your Quran journey. Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. 

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